Harried, Hormonal, Heaven

You know what I hate about being a woman?  The hormones.  Honestly.  We can all act like they don’t change us, and we can even argue that male hormones cause issues for them.  I mean who hasn’t considered the stereotypical idea of a man making decisions with something other than the head on his shoulders. So, maybe I shouldn’t hate being a woman because of hormones. Maybe I should just hate hormones. Either way, it’s a nuisance.

It’s a nuisance that my husband, after nearly 23 years of knowing me, will ever-so-casually warn me that I’ll be getting my period shortly.  How does he know this?  Well…one would think he wouldn’t make a rookie mistake by explaining that he knows this because I’ve been acting a little “differently, a little off” and that usually means about 10 days til my period. One would think that but he’d be incorrect.  Yet, that person would be wrong…because my dear husband decides to share his insights with me every, single month. And, dammit all, he is right….always And, even worse, I have no idea.  At all.

There is something wrong with that, right? Something not right about me having no clear idea of my cycle, which, in my defense, has been erratic at best my whole life, and him having it timed to what seems like almost the minute. It annoys me yet captivates me all at once.  How does he do that? Am I that obvious? And, that’s when I realize…yes, apparently, yes I am. And, then I’m annoyed all over again.

Day-to-day, I am a capable, in-command woman who handles a full-time job, motherhood and a host of other important roles in life (wife, volunteer, daughter, friend, bill payer, grocery shopper, calendar commandant, and more) without issue. Yet, I seem unable to understand the nuances of my own body and personality.  And, then, I head to the bathroom unknowingly one afternoon on any given month and…surprise…it all makes perfect sense. Because, he’s right. I haven’t felt like myself. And, now, I know the reason.

I think it’s the smugness that does me in.  He’s so “in the know,” and I’m…well…just so clueless. There was a time, when we were young and trying to have children, that I would have paid money for this type of intel.  That I would have killed to know exactly 10 days before my period…the fertile time.  For some reason, he didn’t share his information then.  Yet, like clockwork, he does it now. Always somewhat too little, too late.

And, then, I wonder why? Why am I so clueless about this? It’s important to be in tune with yourself. And, I’m just not. Or, maybe I just don’t want to know. I’m betting I’m not the only one.  I know it’s taboo to admit this, and many readers will disagree with me, or say PMS is not real or hormonal ups and downs are a lame excuse for not behaving well. But, for those who recognize themselves in this…even in the slightest…what power could we harness if we had this knowledge about ourselves? Would we always be even keel? Would we always know how to buffer our ups and downs? And, as I write this, I wonder how many women have harnessed this power? How many men for that matter? How many of them are out there controlling their testosterone driven impulses and channeling them into productive activities?

Yet, as I think that through, it all sounds too neat…too together. Hormones are known to drive people together in a positive way, and push others to say things in the moment they might not say otherwise. They are the reason for procreation — new life. They do have their merits…some pretty, big meaty merits.

If you haven’t noticed, I am someone who likes a bit of control over my world. Hormonal impulses create a bit of the unexpected in my controlled life.  So, I guess I won’t hate. I’ll embrace…at least for this moment. As for my husband, maybe he’ll read this and correct his rookie behavior…because, let’s be honest, he really is taking his life in his hands each and every time he suggests I’m a little off.  I’m just saying!